It has been interesting to watch how the teens in my life and their social interactions differ from mine when I was a teen. While there are many similarities, including seeking approval from peers and attempts to mask my insecurities, one of the biggest differences is the outlet for those interactions. Almost all of mine were (had to be) in person. The internet did not exist; mobile phones were huge, clunky devices reserved for workaholics and the wealthy; and pagers were the closest one could come to a text message. While many teens do have the advantage of lots of face-to-face contact with their friends and peers, much of their interaction is online — whether through texting or social media. This fundamental difference has made me pause more than once to evaluate what this digital interaction means for them, and for me as a school employee.
This week, because of several articles and blog posts that I’ve read, it’s become apparent to me that there is a big difference between what I think of as social and what is actually social today (especially in terms of social media). Here’s how the dictionary defines social:
- pertaining to, devoted to, or characterized by friendly companionship or relations [a social club].
- seeking or enjoying the companionship of others; friendly; sociable; gregarious.
- of, pertaining to, connected with, or suited to polite or fashionable society [a social event].
- living or disposed to live in companionship with others or in a community, rather than in isolation [People are social beings].
- of or pertaining to human society, especially as a body divided into classes according to status [social rank].
- involved in many social activities [We’re so busy working, we have to be a little less social now].
- of or pertaining to the life, welfare, and relations of human beings in a community: social problems.
source: Dictionary.com
I have to admit that my expectations surrounding the word social have more to do with community than these definitions allow for. Perhaps it is because I am an introvert and am not generally “social” in the conventional sense. Still, though, these definitions make social seem like the right word for these “connection networks.” While connection may have been the original intent for social media networks, however, I wonder if that remains the reality of our experience with them.
The Ubiquitous “Like”
Everywhere you turn online, we are invited to “like” things. From photos to status updates, from companies and brands to ideas and causes, it’s really easy to show your support of something by “liking” it. “Liking” has become the primary way that people on Facebook, Instagram, Pinterest and other networks interact with their friends, brands, and organizations. It’s so popular, that Twitter recently introduced a new feature to their feeds in which you can “favorite” a tweet to show that you “like” it. As an example, the majority of the “feedback” we get from FRCS Falcons on our Facebook page and Instagram feed is in the way of “likes.” Rarely does someone actually comment on a post. On the surface there is nothing wrong with this, and I am not asking everyone to stop “liking” things (on our page or in general). I do think, however, it’s important to understand what “liking” something does.
On the surface, “liking” something is easy. Generally, it only involves a quick click or tap so that you can move on to the next item in your feed. You tell the poster that you “like” what they posted, which could mean anything from a simple acknowledgement that you read it or looked at it to a more meaningful, “I agree with what you posted,” or something in-between these two. The one who posted does not know which you intend, only that you took a fraction of a second to “like” it.
In the background, though, there is more to it. It tells the social network that you “like” something so that they can then customize your feed to include “related” content or advertising, making you more likely to engage with that content to pay for their network. Do not hear my say that I am opposed to this; we use these networks for free, but they cost money to run, and I understand that they have to make money somehow. I just want to be clear that liking is not just between you and your online buddy…“liking” is a part of the algorithm used to produce your feed, and it is important for us to understand that.
If you don’t believe me, check out these two blog posts about one person who Liked everything he saw on Facebook for two days and another who quit liking things she saw on Facebook for two weeks; then try one or the other on your own feed. I have noticed that the more I “favorite” things on Twitter, the more ads I am shown in my feed. I have not been running an active experiment like either of these two people, but it has been noticeable over the past two weeks, as I’ve become more active on Twitter.
But is “liking” social? I don’t know. I tend to think that it is not simply because it is so easy and it requires so little effort on our part. The fact that it doesn’t really communicate what we think about a post or photo also suggests that it’s not really all that social. Social, in my opinion, requires at least some effort and maybe even sacrifice (of time or attention at the very least), and that’s not just the introvert in me. To truly be social requires some level of engagement.
And “liking” may lead to negative ramifications for the person whose post or photo we are liking.
Addicted to the “Like”
Addiction may seem a bit extreme, but I think many of us have friends (or family) for whom we feel obligated to “like” just about everything they post — whether or not we actually like the post. Often times it’s simply a validation that we like the person.
Businesses often use the number of “likes” they have to determine the success of their product or brand. The more likes your page has, the more popular you or your business is. The more likes an individual post has, the more validated you or your business feels. Many marketing companies who specialize in social media marketing (yes, that is a thing) emphasize that they can help businesses increase the number of likes they have for their page and posts; as if likes are enough to determine the success of a business or its efforts on social networks.
Individuals have also latched on to this need for likes, and it goes way beyond celebrities. There are some in my circle of acquaintances who will actually contact their online buddies in real life if they haven’t liked one of their photos or status updates. They take it as a personal affront if we don’t like everything they post. There is a level of insecurity that social media feeds, and it can make some obsessed.
Take, for instance, this recent article from a British paper that reports on a teen with “selfie” addiction that led him to attempt suicide. While this is an extreme example, it does bring to light the danger of tying our value or identity to our social media interactions. It’s something we have to be wary of, both for our students and for ourselves.
The Masks We Wear
Because social media has become, for many, a tool for validation, it is not surprising that many of us don’t show our true selves in those networks. And to some extent, that’s OK. Security, discretion, and privacy dictate that we shouldn’t put ourselves out there completely. At some point, however, it might be wise to evaluate the persona we do project through social media.
The final article that inspired this week’s (lengthy!) blog post starts with a really telling quote, “The reason we struggle with insecurity comes from comparing our behind the scenes with everyone else’s highlight reels” (Steven Furtick). The blog post shows photos from the blogger’s Instagram account with what she was trying to communicate followed by what she was “really feeling” when she posted it.
What we see in our social media feeds is rarely the whole of a person. When we know a person in real life, we can often see past the mask they were for social media’s sake — their “highlight reel” as it were. But for those we only know casually or online, their posts become the entirety of who they are. They must be perfect, or darn near close, because every picture they post and every status update they share is “perfect.”
It seems almost ironic that our insecurities cause us to “stage” photos and situations so that we have funny, witty, charming, perfect, etc. things to post — because we seek approval from the number of likes we get — and those same insecurities cause us to look at the posts of others in our feed and wish we were more like them (forgetting that they probably stage those photos and situations as much as we do). It’s a vicious cycle that might make me laugh if it weren’t something that hits closer to home than I sometimes care to admit.
I acknowledge that there are others who approach social media from the opposite direction. They post everything negative and sad in their lives, but this is often still a vie for online attention. They may think that having someone feel sorry for them is better than the alternative — being ignored.
So How Social Is Social Media?
At the root of it, I think this is something that must be answered by each individual. There are other questions to consider when answering that question for yourself. Why do you use social media? How do you use it? What do you hope to gain from it? But I encourage you to also remember that these questions may be answered differently by everyone you encounter online.
Basically, our approach to “social” online will likely never really match our approach to “social” in person. So it’s wise to not put the same expectations on both. I do, however, think that it’s extremely valuable to be aware of who we are and to be sensitive to what we communicate to those around us, both online and in real life. We are children of God, and our approach to social should reflect that.
